Couples Therapy & Communication The Perfect Storm

One of the main issues we see with our clients at West Hollywood Family & Couples Therapy is a deficit in communication skills; even if you think you communicate well, which I'm sure you do, there are always ways to improve, and blindspots in our communication that we need someone to point out. One of the main benefits of couples therapy is that it provides a safe space for couples to work on their communication skills.

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It is how we express our needs, desires, and feelings to our partners. However, many couples struggle with effective communication, leading to misunderstandings, arguments, and feelings of resentment.

Couples therapy is designed to help couples improve their communication skills and build a stronger, more satisfying relationship. In therapy, couples learn how to express themselves clearly, listen actively, and resolve conflicts in a healthy and productive manner.

What are some common issues that couples experience in communication?

At West Hollywood Couples Therapy, we see couples and families with all kinds of communication impairments and truly believe that communication can greatly improve all kinds of relationship difficulties.

1. Poor listening skills: One of the most common problems couples face in communication is not listening actively to each other. Instead of truly hearing what their partner is saying, they may be more focused on formulating their response or jumping to conclusions. This can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.

2. Lack of empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Sometimes, couples struggle with empathizing with their partner's perspective. They may prioritize their own needs and opinions, dismissing or invalidating their partner's emotions. This can create a sense of distance and resentment.

3. Criticism and defensiveness: Couples may fall into a pattern of criticizing each other's thoughts, feelings, or actions. This can quickly escalate into defensiveness, where both partners become closed off and protective. When criticism and defensiveness dominate the conversation, it becomes challenging to have open and honest communication.

4. Unrealistic expectations: When couples have unrealistic expectations about communication, disappointment can arise. They may expect their partner to always understand their thoughts and feelings without having to express them explicitly. Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration as partners struggle to meet each other's unspoken needs.

5. Avoidance of difficult topics: Some couples may find it challenging to discuss difficult or sensitive topics.

What Questions Do Therapists Ask About Couples Communication?

Communication is often cited as the lifeblood of any relationship. At West Hollywood Couples Therapy, we know that the way partners exchange thoughts, ideas, and feelings can greatly influence their relationship's health and longevity. When communication lines are clear, couples often experience greater understanding, harmony, and connection. Conversely, misunderstandings, trips and miscommunications can lead to unnecessary conflicts and strain.

One crucial aspect of couples therapy is addressing communication dynamics. Therapists often ask certain questions to help couples understand how they communicate and where they might improve. Today, we're delving into some common "couples communication questions" therapists ask and why they're so essential.

1. Do You Always Understand Your Partner's Meaning?

Interpreting your partner's words and intentions is a key aspect of communication. A therapist might ask, "Do you always know what your partner means when they say or tell you something?" This question helps assess whether a couple communicates directly or if there's room for misinterpretation. Direct communication tends to be more efficient and less likely to lead to misunderstandings, promoting healthier relationships.

2. Does Misinterpretation Sometimes Occur?

Another typical "couples communication question" a therapist might ask is, "Does your partner sometimes take the things you say the wrong way?" Misinterpretations can create unnecessary conflict, and addressing this can help couples communicate more effectively.

3. Do You Hear About Issues Indirectly?

In some cases, a person might hear about their partner's issues with them from others or indirectly. A therapist may ask, "When your partner has a problem with you, do you sometimes hear about it from other people or indirectly?" If this is the case, it could indicate communication barriers that need to be addressed.

4. Is Your Partner Available for Important Conversations?

The availability of partners to engage in meaningful conversations about their relationship is a vital aspect of communication. A therapist might ask, "How available is your partner to talk about things that are important to you and your relationship, and that couple either physically, or emotionally?" The answer can provide insight into a couple's ability to engage in deep conversations and whether there might be barriers to this type of communicat